Are you a member of Mike's mailing list? Why aren't you a member of Mike's mailing list? Would you like to be a member of Mike's mailing list? Isn't it, in fact, high time you became a member of Mike's mailing list?
As Mike considered creating a mailing list, he received much useful feedback such as "everyone hates mailing lists," and "nobody wants to be on your dumb mailing list." Armed with these precious bits of wisdom, he set about creating a welcome e-mail so sublime, so perfectly crafted, that receiving this electronic communication alone would be more than sufficient reward for any amount of suffering. He fell well-short of this goal.
What do you get when you join Mike's mailing list? Aside from the supreme satisfaction one naturally derives from joining a mailing list, you'll receive a quasi/semi-monthly e-mail newsletter from Mike in the comfort of your own home, workplace, correctional facility, bomb shelter, or otherwise undisclosed location. Doesn't a small thrill trip along your spine knowing that you'll be kept up-to-date about his ongoing projects, release dates, and special offers? Think of the all-encompassing joy ahead as he also lets you know about the work of considerably more gifted and less histrionic Indie fantasy authors, freelancer colleagues, and other remarkably talented and interesting creative-types!
What a lucky person you am!
Mike promises not to sell your email address to the highest bidder, be they shadowy Russian oligarchs or mysterious alien entities intent on utilizing our species for their unspeakable medical experiments. Even under inhumanly administered duress, he will not give your email address to shifty underworld figures, no matter how many of his legs they threaten to break.
The process is swift and relatively painless and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Well, whatcha waiting for? A personally engraved invitation from the queen?